


Redemption

by candyeater_03



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Introspection, POV Jaime Lannister, Spoilers for 8x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 13:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candyeater_03/pseuds/candyeater_03
Summary: Jaime opens his eyes, his mind begins to whisper.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Redemption

_ Hateful. _   
_Evil._  
_Man without honor._  
_Kingslayer._  
  
Jaime opens his eyes, his mind begins to whisper.  
He opens his eyes and listens, he believes it’s the only thing he can do. Many voices are speaking, they pile up until they suffocate him, voices of other people. Though he’s always the one to repeat them.   
They’re a thousand whispers, yet only one. _Man without honor_. _Kingslayer_. They pull him away from his rest, they call lies the sweet excuses that let him sleep the previous night.

  
There’s no redemption in Brienne’s arms, in her sapphire eyes.

Jaime looks at her in the dark, he observes her breathing slowly, floating in her sweet dream. He observes her body lying on the hard mattress, he observes her blonde hair, the vague curve of her lips, he looks at her until it pierces his stomach, until he has to look away. What a disgusting man, he cannot even be happy.

He cannot look at her as she calls for him, she begs him to stay. He cannot let himself be observed by those sapphire eyes. They’re the mirror of a man he is not.  
They still see that despairing hero, heckled with no reason, that misunderstood savior. They still see what he told her he was. But what if they’re just excuses? Just empty reassurances? What if it’s all a lie? What if it’s just words he’s been repeating for years, every day, every moment, just to be able to sleep at night? _You’re lying. You’re lying to yourself, Jaime. Y _ou’re a hateful man.__  
She’s hateful, he tells her as he goes. And so am I.  
  
There’s no redemption in Tyrion’s words, in his secret farewell.  
I never really cared much for them, Jaime says, innocent or otherwise. In the end he figured it out.  
At the sound of his own voice he feels pervaded by a nauseating shiver, yet he knows it’s right this way. He’s accepted it now: last night he didn’t sleep. He did the night before, just a couple of hours, broken by continuous nightmares. _Please, don’t make it even harder_.  
Not even in tears is his redemption. Tyrion looks him in the eyes, his hands are trembling. As he tells him how important he’s been, Jaime would only want to go, to make him stop.  
No! No! I did not save you, he would want to say. Leave me alone! It’s no use for you to keep on lying. You make me feel bad this way. I am merely a hateful man.  
Their embrace is stronger than usual. They both know it's the last one, somehow.  
  
How could he expect to find redemption, if not at the heart of his sin?  
As they understand that all hope is lost, in that prison of rubble, Cersei’s face contracts in a bizarre expression. She cries tears of pure terror, an eternal, desperate terror, of someone who looked death in the eyes. It’s the same terror that was painted on her face in front of their mother’s deathbed, so many years ago, without being able to do anything.  
Those eyes of hers bring him back, back, before the Winter, before Aerys. Before he became a man so hateful, so evil, without honor, the Kingslayer. Back to when he was only Jaime. And she was only Cersei.  
In a moment he understands that beyond all the time, all the masks, all the faults there’s still the two of them, together. Only Jaime and Cersei. He just has to go back to his roots.   
Nothing else matters, he tells her. Only us.  
The crypt's roof crumbles onto them, one block at a time.  
And all is forgiven.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!  
> Hope you liked this little oneshot of mine! Jaime is such a beautiful and complex character, definitely my absolute favourite. I also *don't kill me please* really liked how his particular arc came to conclusion. I hope this little stream of consciousness turned out well!  
> Sending love and light to y'all<3
> 
> Candy


End file.
